By Bosire Boniface in Garissa
Moulid Hassan, a 35-year-old refugee living at Dadaab’s Dagahaley camp, says he is a happy newlywed man whose marriage came about November 1st after he randomly picked a woman’s shoe.
Hassan was among the first group of 40 grooms-to-be who took part in a mass ceremony that day at the Muslimin Mosque in Dagahaley to find out the identities of their future brides.
“The sheikhs brought the ladies’ shoes in the mosque and asked men who were serious and willing to marry to pick a shoe,” Hassan told Sabahi.
Whichever shoe a man picked, he was to marry its owner regardless of whether the two knew each other or not, the imam explained after the regular Friday sermon, Hassan recalled.
Until that day, Hassan had despaired that he would never be wed due to the high costs associated with marriage, he said, adding he was thankful for the intervention by the clerics at his local mosque.
“Praise to God, I am married now and very happy,” he said. “I cannot wait to regale my children the story of how I met their mother through her shoe.”
Aiming to reduce high wedding costs
There is an unwritten condition that one cannot marry without giving gold to the bride, said Abdirahaman Hassan Hussein, a 33-year-old refugee at Hagadera camp in Dadaab.
“Besides paying the dowry, one has also to budget for a set of gold rings, necklaces and bracelets for the bride,” Hussein told Sabahi, who said he is hoping to find a wife next month via the shoe arrangement.
A groom is also required to furnish his home so as to welcome the bride and throw a lavish wedding party, Hussein said, adding that the costs associated with marriage made the prospect prohibitive for many.
However, the community largely has ignored appeals for simplifying and lowering wedding expenses, said Sheikh Shamsul Diin, an imam at the Muslimin Mosque.
“It is becoming a norm to display splendour and opulence, in sharp contrast with the religious teachings [about] simplicity,” he told Sabahi.
He said the camp’s religious leaders started organising the shoe-picking ceremony as a way to promote marriage and prevent immorality.
“The expensive wedding demands will leave many young men and women single, which may lead to immorality and even the spread of HIV/AIDS,” Diin said. “Religion encourages [reasonable financial] arrangements so that young people can afford to marry and remain faithful.”
After the shoe-selection, the marriage ceremonies take place in the presence of parents or guardians and witnesses, the iman said. Both families can still negotiate a dowry amount before the wedding is officiated but ultimately it comes down to an agreement based on what the groom can afford, he added.
Bound by a shoe
Fatima Hussein Yusuf, whose shoe was selected by Mohammed Abdi, said the women who participated along with her were between 18 and 35 years of age and eager to marry.
After handing over their shoes, the women waited in a separate room, said Yusuf, 19.
Meanwhile, the men wondered how they would make their selection, ultimately realizing that the shoe-type would not necessarily reflect the type of lady it belonged to, Abdi said.
“I picked up a flip-flop that had seen better days,” he said of Yusuf’s shoe. “The owner turned out to be very beautiful”.
Abdi, 30, said he picked the flip-flop because it was in isolation from the other shoes and closest to him. That was enough of a sign.
“There was a beautiful moccasin among the shoes but I ignored it. When I saw the owner, let me just say she was not that beautiful compared to my wife now,” said Abdi, who got married to Yusuf at the Sayyid Mosque.
“After we saw our potential husbands, we were repeatedly asked whether we were still willing to marry them,” she said, recalling the first time she saw her husband. “I gave my consent.”
“My husband already had a wife and four children but I had no qualms about getting married to him. I did forgo my dowry with an understanding that my husband would take care of it later,” she said.
Yusuf said the couples were counselled about married life and told not to expect it to be all rosy.
Organisers also availed money raised from the community for couples in need of financial assistance to set up their matrimonial homes. However, because Yusuf’s new husband had a source of income, the couple did not qualify for that assistance, she said.
‘I cannot be single all my life’
Saadia Yussuf Abdi, another refugee at Ifo I, said when she initially heard religious leaders were organising the marriage arrangements she did not think they would be successful.
“For nearly a month there was the mobilisation of [unmarried] women willing to get married. I did not participate because I thought it was a joke and felt ashamed that I would become the talk of the town,” she told Sabahi. “Now I regret my scepticism.”
Considering the number of successful marriages and the reception in the community, Abdi said now she is ready to throw in her shoe and become a willing candidate for marriage.
“I cannot be single all my life and, if by the next arrangement I am not married, I will provide my shoe to be picked,” she said, referring to next ceremony, which is expected sometime in December.
But not all women living at Dadaab agree that this blind system for finding a mate is the correct way to approach the institution of marriage.
As Ambia Osman Sharif, a 29-year-old refugee at Hagadera camp, put it, eligible women should be cautious before giving up their dowries because these represent financial security.
“Divorce is very common. There are incidences when a man divorces his wife barely a year into their marriage,” Sharif, who is single, told Sabahi. “The gold we are demanding is an appreciating asset, which a woman can sell and start a business with in case a man walks out on the marriage or dies.”
She does not endorse this type of marriage arrangement because it could attract immature men who are not financially ready to take on a husband’s responsibilities, she said.
“It can attract jokers in a serious institution like marriage. If I submit my shoe, I could become like a trophy [to them],” Sharif said.
Source: Sabahi Online