Whether we came as refugees, asylum seekers, or another form of migration, we came to a country with its own culture, customs, institutions, norms and faith. We also brought with us our own culture, customs, traditions, and belief systems. Even the institutions that exist here and at home behave differently. For instance, in Somalia, parent’s role of educating their children is to send them to school, and schools were to teach and make children learn. However, in the USA, parents are required to involve their pupil’s education more than they did in Somalia. They have to attend school conferences and help children with their homework. Parents are their children’s educators too.

Immigrant families, such as the Somalis and other refugees face many challenges. Challenges such as language barriers, under-employment, lack of formal education, poverty, racism and discrimination, immigration status, system navigation, and family dynamics. These challenges hinder the family’s ability to maintain their psychological stability and cultural integrity and at the same time attempt to adopt the American culture.

We soon realized that the things that have worked for us in the past no longer work in America. We learn that in America, children have rights and there are laws, statutes (federal, state, and local) which protect children. We hear words such as child abuse, child neglect, child abandonment, and maltreatment. At worst, we become fearful that children may be removed from our care and placed in a non Islamic household by Child Protection agents. As a result, some parents totally stop providing guidance and disciplining their children which results children with too much freedom in their hands. Children make their own decisions. They go to school as they pleased, come home as late as they feel like, and hang around with crowds of their choosing.

With the threat of child protection hovering over their heads, parents became reluctant to assert their parental authority and has failed to parent. The result was catastrophic. According to Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) at least 40 Somali American youth have returned to fight for Alshabab. Of those, at least 15 may have lost their lives.

On November 8, 2010, 26 Somali men and 3 Somali women were indicted on charges of sex trafficking allegedly shuffling young girls, 13 years old and younger, across state lines to work as prostitutes.

The detention halls and jail cells of states, such as Minnesota, Ohio, Tennessee, and California, are populated with Somali youth. In Minnesota, which has the largest Somali community in America, there are a large number of Somali homeless young men and women who lost their sense of direction and perhaps their path to the future. So how did this happen? And who is to blame? Couple of years back, my colleague and I were invited to conduct a workshop for Somali residents of St. Paul, Minnesota regarding child protection. We were discussing the issues of child welfare, abuse and neglect, and answering questions from a full audience at the time, when one brave mother rose from her seat, politely raised her hand, and asked, where were the fathers of their children, where are their husbands? She motioned her hand to the direction of the seating area and in a very distressed voice said "the hall is full of women". In our Somali, African, and Islamic culture, it is the responsibility of the father to discipline, provide lifetime skills training for boys. So where are the fathers?

On several occasions, I asked Somali fathers why they are not involved in the lives of their young children. The resounding answer I got was that the government has undermined their authority as they are not allowed to touch their children. The concern for many of the Somali fathers and mothers is that the children of America have too many laws that protect them and no parent wants to go to jail for beating their children.

Because of our often past traumatic history, Somali families are suspicious of the police, courts and the authority. However, is it true that we can’t touch or discipline our children? Or do we go to jail if we spank our children? In this article, I will provide brief descriptions, including definitions of abuse and neglect and give examples of abuse and neglect.

Abuse and Neglect and the Child Welfare Laws

Child welfare laws vary from state to state and I advise parents to consult their local child welfare agencies and ask what is considered abuse or neglect.

There are three main categories of Abuse; Physical Abuse, Emotional and Psychological abuse, and Sexual Abuse, and several categories of Neglect, i.e. Medical neglect, Educational neglect, failing to provide necessary Food and Shelter.

Physical abuse

According to the Minnesota’s Child Maltreatment guidelines, any non- accidental physical injury, mental injury, or threatened injury inflicted by a person responsible for child’s care which can not be explained by the child’s history of injuries is considered physical abuse. Parents are permitted to spank their children as long as there are no physical injuries to the child’s body. But striking a child under 18 months old anywhere on their body is not permitted by the law. The age of the child is a paramount importance. The brain of an infant is like a gel slapping even the slightest on the head can cause lifetime damage to the child’s developing brain cells and can even cause death. Kicking a child in the stomach or in the groin area, punching a child in the head, or any of the other fatal organs is also not allowed.